And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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