My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
love makes seman taste better
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
