Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
