how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
