I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
