just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
