i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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