So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
