Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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