Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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