I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
