Only a mothe r could love this liver
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
