Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
