I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize