well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
