you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
