Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
