I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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