He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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