I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
