Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
