Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
