we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
