Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
