White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
