Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
