And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
