im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
