Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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