mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
