Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
