My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
