I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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