So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
