If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
