Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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