Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
