somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Randomize
