How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
