I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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