I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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