the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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