Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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