So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I could fuck to npr.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
how drunk are you?
Several
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
