Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
