You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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