We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
