I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
