did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
