i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
