Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
