Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
