We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
