she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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