You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
