dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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