I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
