I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
