Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
