Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
