she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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