this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
