It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
