Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
