You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
